All My Fault: The true story of a sadistic father and a by Audrey Delaney

By Audrey Delaney

An account of a scared and harm little lady who controlled to confront her demons and reclaim her lifestyles.

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Additional info for All My Fault: The true story of a sadistic father and a little girl left destroyed

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This was a continuing habit of mine throughout my school years. I never got much sleep during the night and then during the day I couldn’t stay awake. This was a symptom of my body clock being all over the place. Most kids would fall asleep shortly after being put to bed, but not me. I hated going to bed because I knew Da would soon follow. In the beginning, I’d lie in bed waiting for him, my muscles rigid with tension. Then, as soon as the door opened, I’d relax every muscle in my body, not with relief, but so that he might think I was asleep and leave me alone.

I didn’t have a hope. * In the very early days, I remember it being just Ma, the two boys and me most of the time. Da was home very little and when he was in a bad mood, a similar atmosphere swept through the house. Da earned the money and paid the bills while Ma cooked, cleaned and looked after all of us. In those days, everything was done by hand so housework was ten times harder than it is now. I’ll never forget the day Da brought home the twin-tub and put an end to having to hand-wash the terry nappies in a bucket of water.

I sat in the car for what seemed like an eternity, waiting for the music to wash over me again, to wash away the bad memories. This time, though, it wasn’t working; the memories pushed against me, uninvited and unwanted. I gradually allowed myself to absorb what these words meant. Child sex abuse. When I heard those words I felt like a thousand wasps were crawling all over me body and stinging me all at the one time. The words drilled a hole in my subconscious that caused toxic thoughts to leak out into the rest of my mind.

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